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In which I'm a meanie

I have this terrible habit. I procrastinate. No, wait, that's not accurate. My terrible habit is this: I procrastinate, and when I procrastinate, I go through old posts on my friends' journals. Today, It was rythm's turn. And guess what I found? Ladies and gentleman, I present a writer (who btw, is not rythm). He is quite a writer, this fellow. Excerpts from a most brilliant work of art of his:

Road was empty and there was no one around

When the road is empty noooo.... the no one will never be the around only. Only the that you understand.

A lovely breeze was blowing...

Yes, lovely breezes do blow.

Now even the birds, the wind and the trees had started teasing me.

Wow. Javed Akthar has competition.

What a lovely evening that was?

Was it followed by a dark and stormy night !

(You make one error, I make another)

was a tall but slim guy from Punjab with a lot of beard on his face looked as if he’s not shaved since ages but that really gave him a typical Punjabi looks

Lot of beard. Lot of beard, indeed. Very lot-ty beard-y typical Punjabi lookers. Very nice.

The classes started and we were made to sit in a big room having a huge white board with a couple of projector screens in the front and opposite to that were numerous seats each having a separate computer system

One time I when I was in school in 5th standard when I wrote an essay titled "punctuation is for losers" and I showed it all my friends who all said it was great and I showed it to this girl I had a crush on but she was a bitch and she ignored me and then I gave it to my teacher who was a very mean mean bitch and decided to wrench off my ears. Too bad you didn't have such a teacher.

Geetha was stylish like all ultra-mod and hap Bangalore gals

My ultra-mod and hap galpals are going to love this.

Ganmeet was good in her logics

I am very bad in my logics, my illogics being far too strong. But that follows from basics logics.

both being punjabi’s grew very close to each other

Both being Punjabi's what? Oh, you mean "Punjabis"! And by the way, Punjabi Puttars do not like it when you insult their Punjabiness by refusing to use capital letters. Be careful, you're in India, the land of hurt sentiments.

It was the last minute when she came out jumping and without speaking a word threw her self on me and kissed on my cheeks. Many had seen but all knew what had happened. I was stunned and so were Varun and Ganmeet. It was obvious for a guy who never had any gal in his life and was kissed by a hot south Indian gal in front of whole batch

Ummm... what exactly was obvious? No, no, don't explain. It will probably ruin the imagery involving hot South Indian gals.

We now freely shared our body secrets to each other

"Body secrets"? Like what? Butt-pimples? Also, you share with, not to.

One thing I could say, she’d a very happening friend circle

One friend who ran around in a circle? I am confused. I guess I'm not happening enough to understand. I promise to happen more often in the future.

Everything was so nice and tender. Time seemed like flying

Again, Javed Akthar has competition.

“Well, let me make 3 guesses.” She said in a very naughty tone and I agreed.

Guess one: you don't know what the point of a full stop is? Guess two: you don't know what commas are for? Guess three: you don't know how sentence formation works?

“thennnn. U didn’t like Raghav?”

I'll go with guess one. And please, stop spelling like a dyslexic.

She’d hit the bull eye

I have no comments.

“You know what my stupid.”

I know! I know! I know! You don't know what question marks are for, either.

“I love you too stupid. And did all this coz I know that you were not going to propose me easily” She replied.

Who no one proposes me only? Ladies, I am hot! Propose me no?

Actually compre is the most important part of the training. If you don’t clear it your training won’t complete

And *what* is your training supposed to complete?

I was drowned into deep thinking

Again, I have nothing to say.

Don’t know how but he’d got the report that no. of candidates appearing were more than the no. in the list

Please, please just make it stop.

Love had given me a special courage and I was doing it for my love, no one else

Mr.Akthar is going to hate you for this.

But how would’ve I named my love

I hate you for this.

Someone’s strange voice hit my ears and I came out of the world of my thoughts

And this.

Now you all must be having one question your mind. That what about Geetha?

One question my mind. That what about the English language saar?
If this doesn't make your head spin, go through the comments section.

You know, I'd have let this go, but this guy actually *wants* to be a writer.


( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 11th, 2008 02:05 pm (UTC)
The guy's English is teh suck but looks like he's good narration skills (which is more than can be said for some "perfect" English writers who can't hold people's attention for nuts). That said if he seriously wants his stories told, he should (a) get a ghost writer or (b) start writing screenplays or (c) write them in his native language :P
Sep. 11th, 2008 02:06 pm (UTC)
substitute: /he's good/he's got good/
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:48 am (UTC)
Good narration skills? Are you serious? I skimmed through half of what he wrote for the first time... it was so unbearable.
Sep. 11th, 2008 02:10 pm (UTC)
lol...hap b'lore gals!!! wish u more such procrastination time to unearth gems like this... :)
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:51 am (UTC)
Hey... did I know you in school?
Sep. 11th, 2008 08:09 pm (UTC)
Lol. If it was a real event in that guy's life, I really wish he never reads your post:P
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:50 am (UTC)
I honestly don't think this is a true story.
Sep. 12th, 2008 04:15 am (UTC)
Same here, but you never know what life did to someone;)
Sep. 11th, 2008 09:29 pm (UTC)
Hey! Writers need editors, ok? Sample this: De De Do Do Da Da
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:55 am (UTC)
My effing.... a professional writer spewed that shite? I stand by my decision to not read any De.
Sep. 12th, 2008 12:45 am (UTC)
We now freely shared our body secrets to each other.

Oh is that what kids are calling it these days?
Sep. 12th, 2008 03:56 am (UTC)
I'm not even sure what he really meant by that, so I don't know.
Sep. 12th, 2008 04:25 am (UTC)
I haven't read the full story yet, but I'm guessing "Geetha" is the girl who "threw her self with kissed on both cheeks".

Oh, and the "I was drowned in deep thought" seems to be a direct transliteration for "main soch mein dooba tha".

Good post. Do link us to a lot more of such gems, please.
Sep. 12th, 2008 06:39 am (UTC)
>>I haven't read the full story yet, but I'm guessing "Geetha" is the girl who "threw her self with kissed on both cheeks".<<

You are right about that, sir.

>>Oh, and the "I was drowned in deep thought" seems to be a direct transliteration for "main soch mein dooba tha".<<

The biggest problem with Indian English, innit? Although I think it also makes our dialects very cute.

>>Good post<<

Yes, post like these get more comments.

>>Do link us to a lot more of such gems, please.<<

I'm not sure it would be as fulfilling if I did it too often.
Sep. 12th, 2008 11:40 am (UTC)
Sep. 12th, 2008 12:43 pm (UTC)
Yay! I'm funny!! :)
Sep. 13th, 2008 03:31 am (UTC)
Unfortunately, There are a bunch of kids at my office who are paid (I think) to be Grammar Nazis.

When you kill one jew, its fun. But when you kill a lot of them, it gets psychotic.
Sep. 13th, 2008 09:59 am (UTC)
I'm generally no grammar Nazi (heck, I don't even deserve to be one), but this guy thought he was a "writer", and all his fans were keeping the delusion alive. It was more than I could take.

Btw: I looked for you after dinner at the reception, but couldn't find you. So I left.
Sep. 30th, 2008 08:35 pm (UTC)
After reading this blog..all i can say is ..you are one arrogant fellow..you have no right to do this to anyone..grow up!
Oct. 1st, 2008 02:05 am (UTC)
I am so upset about that "thumbs down" sign you have used. Boohoo! An anonymous person called me "arrogant"! Boohoo!

I can't help it if you enjoy reading such rubbish. But some of us have it point it out when something tortures us.
Oct. 30th, 2008 06:38 am (UTC)
Oh my God such hilarity! I laughed and laughed and laughed at this...!
Oct. 30th, 2008 11:30 am (UTC)
Thanks :)
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )


Phani V K

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